Leveling Up Mental Health Communication with Kindred x Active Minds x HBO
I am late to Suicide Awareness Day but better late than never. I recently got the opportunity to become a @kindred certified Mental Health Communicator. Fancy title but all it really means is that I underwent some trainings facilitated by them and @activeminds as part of @hbo’s It’s OK initiative to better address mental health & illness in public and private.
As a pre-teen, I started spilling my guts online with absolutely no filter bc I had no safer spaces in real life to do so. The digital space was the only place to explore my sexuality, my individuality, my experience that was constantly being minimized and marginalized. In many ways, the Internet saved my life and kept me safer than the media would have us think by letting me know that I wasn’t alone and that I could find deliverance from the situation I was in. Many other digital natives I know have expressed the same appreciation for having a buffer between them and the tangible world as they navigated their identities.
While I was provided a landscape upon which I was able to come to some understanding of myself, I had no understanding of boundaries whatsoever. Growing up in a very traditionalistic, patriarchal, autocratic culture, I was never taught that boundaries were something I could have. So when I found a space in which I could share all of the parts of me I had been repressing or hiding from danger without any real consequence, I immediately engaged with it toxically — desperately creating false selves to be consumed by others, desperately baring my heart for any and all to see, desperately looking for some salvation from an unsupportive society that did not understand me. And while it helped me find community, resources, & tools around my experiences at the time , anything done from desperation will only breed more desperation.
My creative output and general persona is built around my rawness & vulnerability— much like the earlyYouTube sensation, lonelygirl15 except real. Being expositional has served me well in cultivating a community of people who have similar life experiences who are just looking for some validation that they are not alone, confirmation that they’re not the only ones feeling this. I think that’s very much a factor of digital native culture that is unique to people born after 1989. Encouraged by reality television and America’s extremely voyeuristic culture, the support I received for my realness was enough to silence the voices of my naysayers. It was working for me! It’s what’s gotten me into spaces such as @sadgirlsclub, where I finally found an IRL community of folks not just facing their mental illnesses but working towards a solution.
Living in the solution is interesting because you don’t just stop evolving once you get there, just like life doesn’t just stop happening. Yes, I found the community. Yes, I developed my voice. With such power comes great responsibility and for a long time, I behaved very carelessly and with reckless abandon. But I had to come to learn how to wield the power that my voice held. I had to realize that while what I had to say was important and valid, the delivery of my message was equally as important and that it needed to be handled with care because as heavy as it had been for me, it would also be heavy for anyone receiving it.
One thing I’ve come to learn is that my friends are only doing their best, just like I am. Having very specific trauma & mental illnesses, not everyone is always equipped to deal w such topics & even if they are, they may not want to. And that’s okay — it doesn’t mean I’m less worthy of love, compassion, or connection. It doesn’t even mean they don’t love me. It doesn’t devalue me in any way. It’s just a boundary set to maintain a healthy exchange of energy and when honored, it will inevitably send me in the direction of the real help that I need at any given time
What the growth & emotional maturation I’ve experienced this year has given me is an understanding of boundaries. Boundaries are necessary structures for building and maintaining healthy relationships. I’ve been developing healthier boundaries in my life and learning to stop being so self-centered. Self-obsession can manifest as cockiness, sure, but it can also manifest as identifying as and fulfilling the role of The Victim. It can manifest as perceiving others needs &boundaries for themselves as being all about me. “They’re obsessed with me” and “they hate me” are two sides of the same coin— a coin I want no parts of. What I want for myself is to only ever show up as my best self in all situations.
As I recover the best parts of myself and release the most harmful, I am developing healthier tools around intimate topics such as mental health and trauma. This workshop came at the perfect time (and not at all by accident) for me to truly comprehend and embody healthier practices about checking in on myself & others, how to share my story, and how to access mental health resources. I want my page & practice to be more trauma-informed and I want to be a safer space for my community, which doesn’t only mean holding space, but also cultivating that space. That being said, I have some pledges that I would like to make now and I ask you all to help keep me accountable:
☆ Being mindful about how I share my story & message
☆ Using clear content warnings as often is necessary
☆ Creating a space where folks feel validated & appreciated
☆ Vocalizing clear boundaries for myself and the spaces I create / hold
☆ Providing references for mental health resources
Thank you, Family. Looking forward to better sharing love with all of you virtually and hopefully IRL sometime in the near future.